I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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