cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
