at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
