she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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