I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
