the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
