don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
