We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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