just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
