Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
