I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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