Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
