you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
