dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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