"it" just moved
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
