all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
