So drunk, too bad you don't want this
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
