i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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