Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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