NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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