and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
