You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
