i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
