Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Randomize
