just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
well most of my day revolves around power hour
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
