I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
