it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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