Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
