Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
