Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
