I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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