someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
