OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
