News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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