You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
