mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
