he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
