"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's shark week go big or go home
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
