I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
