no you cant smoke seaweed
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
