I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I stole a fireplace last night.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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