I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
