he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
