So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
well you can't waste a boner
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
