plz talk dirty to me
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
All I want is dick and wine.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
