What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
