i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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