Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
