Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
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