Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
