A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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