I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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