I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
