so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
